"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
