also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
