Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
