she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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