I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
