y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
