either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
