i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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