Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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