mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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