dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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