Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
