dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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