do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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