sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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