Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
