she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
