I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I checked into jail on foursquare
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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