I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
