i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He felt like a one man threesome
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
