Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
