I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
