At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
