literally had 100 drinks last night.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
