When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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