Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
