he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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