How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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