I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Semen is not good for contacts.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
