U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
