Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
