Duck Duck Cougar?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
