I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
