I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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