it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
