This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
