when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
