I haven't been this sober since birth.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
