I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
