Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
