Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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