I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
