Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
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The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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