you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
