My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you had me at cake vodka
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
