fuck your aforementioned shoe
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
