Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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