planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
