He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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