the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
