note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize