I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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