sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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