i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
