Fine. I'll sleep in my office
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
