you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
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The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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