people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
