I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
