I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
