You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
