Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
