Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
