i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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