we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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