the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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