My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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