i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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