and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
as a side note pls kill me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
