Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
