Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
