why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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