elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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