I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
