And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
