yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
