Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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