Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
