I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
