ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
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