He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
