I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She even gives head with a lisp.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
